So, Can I get a copy?

 Dearest ex-husband of our second cousin,

We're so glad you asked. While it's been 16 years since we first and last saw you, it's good to hear from you. We're also delighted to know that word has reached you about our forthcoming book and greatly appreciate your interest in a copy. 

In case you had not seen it yet, our Kickstarter campaign - to raise funds to publish the book - has a $250 tier dedicated to our parents. As in, "Hey Mom and Dad, can I borrow $250?" That should tell the astute observer a few things: 1) There is a reason we did not write a book on greed. 2) Our expectations for profit are as modest as Elisabeth Eliot. And 3) Even Mom and Dad aren't getting a free copy.

However, we have also developed a more concrete mathematical formula (with the help of our esteemed mathematician colleagues Thomas Bass and Corbin Hedges) to determine who might qualify for a free book. First, rank yourself on our list of acquaintances. We currently have approximately 2500 unique "friends" on Facebook, but this part of the formula is trickier than you might think because you have to do it for BOTH of us. For instance, Brent Metcalf may come in at 63 on Chad's list but only 283 on Dave's list, arriving at an average of 173. Once you have derived your Average Acquaintance Rank (AAR), you must then multiply that number by 10 (cost of book is $10). In the case of Brent, that would result in 1730. That number now constitutes the amount of money we would lose if we gave a free copy to you and everyone who has a higher AAR. 

After checking and double-checking your math, if you are still unsure whether you are eligible to receive a free copy of our book, pronounce aloud the sounds made by combining the 14th and 15th letters of the English alphabet and you will have your answer.

But you know what's easier than math? Pre-ordering a copy of our book. And you can do so right here. 

Once again, thank you for your interest in our book. We look forward to seeing you again, even if your AAR is 2472.

Chad and Dave